10 Things Your Waitress Doesn't Want To Hear This Festive Season

1.) 'WHY aren't you open on Christmas day?!' Well it's our one day of holiday a year so let's just agree to disagree on whether we should be open shall we?
2.) 'I know it's not on the menu but ...' 
3.) 'Can we *gestures to 30 people* all pay separately?'
4.) 'Make sure you right our order down correctly'. This is a large part of our jobs, we're sure to do it without the patronising reminder.
5.) 'It's okay, the waitresses will clear up the mess after we leave'
6.) 'Let's pull some crackers' - cue a tonne of mess all over the table
7.) 'I know you didn't cook our meal, but there's something wrong with it and we just want to shout at someone, so you'll do'. Okay, I may have paraphrased this one.
8.) 'Keep the [15p] change as a tip, treat yourself'
9.) 'Oh, you don't sell *insert obscure drink/ale*, well I just don't know what else I could possibly have, what kind of place is this?!'
10.) 'Where's your festive spirit?' Far, far away from you my friend.
This post has turned out to be a little more bitter than I ever imagined, but oh so true. 
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