Waitressing is something that I always thought I'd hate. But, as it turns out, it's something that I love doing ... most of the time. As I've ended my waitress career for the time being (RIP), I thought I'd share this fun little post on things you'll only know if you've been a waitress/waiter too.
1.) Within 5 minutes of a customer being in a restaurant you already know whether they'll be difficult or not. You're not fooling anyone hun.
2.) The pain of polishing cutlery. NOT. OKAY.
3.) The joy of having a regular customer who actually tips.
4.) The rage that pops up when someone 'kindly' says to keep the change and you realise it's 15p.
5.) The horror of dealing with chefs on a hot day.
6.) The way that customers seem to think that chefs are reasonable people who actually care about what the customer really wants.
7.) The intense pleasure of pouring an absolutely perfect pint, mmm.
8.) The hilarity of a 'posh' customer asking for a pinoT griGio, pronouncing all the letters.
9.) The annoyance of having to remind customers that no, you are not personally responsible for creating the food and so, no, they shouldn't be shouting at you.
10.) Just how angry people get about food.
11.) The fact that you and your fellow waitresses gotta be sisters with each others backs. You're working all the time and you need someone to keep on your side of heated customer debates.
12.) The fact that the customer is almost always wrong.
13.) Having to pretend that you're the one who's a little slow on the uptake so the customer doesn't think you're (rightfully) blaming them for the problem. This happens more than you would think.
14.) The fear of carrying a massive tray of glasses around small children running around. Because if one of them trips up, you know whose fault it's gonna be ...
15.) The myth-busting of the fact that young people are rude. If there's a rude customer, 90% of the time they are definitely not a young person.
16.) How nice it is to put your feet up at the end of the day. PURE. BLISS.
This is obviously a bit of a tongue-in-cheek blog post, and isn't meant to offend anyone.
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1.) 'WHY aren't you open on Christmas day?!' Well it's our one day of holiday a year so let's just agree to disagree on whether we should be open shall we?
2.) 'I know it's not on the menu but ...'
3.) 'Can we *gestures to 30 people* all pay separately?'
4.) 'Make sure you right our order down correctly'. This is a large part of our jobs, we're sure to do it without the patronising reminder.
5.) 'It's okay, the waitresses will clear up the mess after we leave'
6.) 'Let's pull some crackers' - cue a tonne of mess all over the table
7.) 'I know you didn't cook our meal, but there's something wrong with it and we just want to shout at someone, so you'll do'. Okay, I may have paraphrased this one.
8.) 'Keep the [15p] change as a tip, treat yourself'
9.) 'Oh, you don't sell *insert obscure drink/ale*, well I just don't know what else I could possibly have, what kind of place is this?!'
10.) 'Where's your festive spirit?' Far, far away from you my friend.
This post has turned out to be a little more bitter than I ever imagined, but oh so true.
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