It's been widely acknowledged for a number of years now that fat representation is a thing that's far too absent from the media, especially from the big screen. We expect a skinny white cis female protagonist in a film, and if actresses don't quite fit that, then they either have to change, or are skipped over in the face of the next girl in line.
I've finally caught up and watched every season of Naked Attraction. If you haven't seen the show, it's one of those out-there things that Channel 4 created (why is it always Channel 4 with the weird and wonderful shows?!). One person goes on the show, and are faced with six naked bodies in misted glass boxes. The bodies are chosen based on that person's preferences, and what they're attracted to. As the show goes on, more and more of the naked bodies are revealed, and the person has to ultimately choose their favourite to go out with.
For a long time now I haven't really felt like 'me' in any of my clothes. I wanted to wear clothes that the old Steph would wear, or the old OLD Steph would wear (okay, maybe not the ugly slogan t-shirts that I totally repped in my teens), but I didn't want to wear anything that the current Steph owned. And it wasn't the classic 'ugh I have nothing to wear *whilst tugging reams of clothes out of my wardrobe*' scenario, it was more the fact that I didn't want to dress the body that the current Steph has.
Recently however, I've turned a corner in terms of self love, and I've got a post all about it here. I've come to face the fact that even though I'm made to feel shit because my body takes up more space than it used to, I'm not obliged to feel shit about it. I spoke out about my successful shopping trip and buying clothes that made me feel fierce. This outfit is my favourite one.
These New Look boots (similar here) are possibly my favourite shoes I've ever bought. I've been lusting after this style for years, but I've been too shy to go for it. I didn't want to make a statement with my shoes, and draw attention to me. But now I've got them, you can bet I've been stomping around all day, feeling tall and a little kick-ass just by wearing them.
Red is my favourite bold colour. A red lip is always what I go for when I need a little extra confidence to put the pep in my step. This dress from H&M (which is only available in a size 8 and 16 in the sale now) is so simple, but exactly what I needed. It's a style of dress that I've always thought I was 'too fat' for, but when I tried it on, I fell in love. It's loose around my middle, the neckline is beautiful and it's the perfect coral-y shade of red. The dream. Realising that this shift dress actually looked good on me made me realise that it wasn't my added weight making me look bad, it was my own mind restricting myself to things that would make me blur into the background.
Now I finally have that little bit of self confidence back. I'm ready to head out tonight in this exact outfit with a pair of statement earrings and have a tasty AF meal without worrying that eating in this outfit will 'make me look fat'. I'm ready to buy a buttload more clothes that make me feel as though I can take on the world, and finally, I'm ready to absolutely rock this year.
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For as long as I can remember, there's been a pressure to make a New Year's Resolution that's weight focused. Last year mine was to get back into a size 12 (we can all take a guess at whether that happened), but in the past I've promised to do more exercise, join a gym, cut out chocolate, cut out junk food, cut out biscuits, go swimming, etc etc. And it's all been with the main intention of getting back to that weight that I always have in mind as my 'ideal weight' (which when I hit back in my first year of uni obviously soon became 'too big' in a vicious cycle of needing to get slimmer).
Growing out of clothes is probably the toughest part of gaining weight over the last couple of years for me. As much as I try to stay in denial about the whole thing, when my favourite jeans stopped doing up, or my tops started riding up to expose my belly, it forced me to realise that it was happening. And I didn't want to realise it.
Can you believe I've actually stuck to something long enough to give it seven installments? I've spread out this series over the past two years now, and each piece tackles something that I've really struggled with to do with my weight gain. You can have a read of all the previous posts here (I've linked them all in the last post).
