Citalopram was a bit of a saviour for twenty-year old me. Having struggled with self harm for a number of years I was finally in the headspace to consider the idea of getting some help and starting to sort my life out. The GP started me off on a course of Citalopram, taking 20mg a day, and it was an actual lifesaver. Of course, things took a while to kick in (and I've got a blog post here on what it was like starting to take citalopram), but the word I would use to describe my time taking them is 'stable'.
Mental health and physical health can be likened to one another in a myriad of ways, but ultimately although they are somewhat similar, there's one clear difference: with the majority of physical health concerns, there are a number of tests that can give you an answer as to what's going on. You go to the doctors with a problem, and you expect them to (eventually) be able to say, okay, you have X illness, and here's what we can do. I'm not saying this happens with all physical health conditions, or that things always get diagnosed correctly at first all the time. For mental health issues however, there are no blood tests or urine samples or anything that can really tell you if you have a problem.
Today didn't get off to a brilliant start for me. I got rained on. Then I got to work only to realise that I had no hairband and had to borrow 'spare knicker elastic' from the work sewing box to tie my hair up. I kid you not. But, my rubbish start to the day wasn't down to some supernatural force making it a 'blue' Monday. It was down to forgetting an umbrella, and putting my hairband on the dining table instead of in my coat pocket.
Looking back on times when my mental health was at its worst, all I can think of as an answer to this is 'yes'. But in reality, it's a no.
This question has been plaguing me for years. For years I've felt odd, I've not felt normal. I was 'that girl who self harms' and now I'm 'that girl who doesn't feel ready for a full-time job *rolls eyes*'. I've felt crazy. That's the only word that ever came to mind. In those stupid 'get to know each other' first seminars of each uni term in which you had to describe yourself the first word that came to mind was always crazy, or fucked up, or anything but normal. But what if crazy doesn't exist?
Although I try to keep things as positive as I can over on Nourish ME, the truth is that behind the scenes things can be a lot less optimistic. I don't want to use the word negative, because I really do try to keep the negative vibes away, but sometimes sadness can get overwhelming.
I've been struggling with depression, and the anxiety that goes hand in hand with it, for over four years now. Keeping my little corner of the internet over here at Nourish ME has been SO helpful, but there is a whole myriad of other things I do to help ease the impact of these illnesses upon my life.
About a year and a half ago, I started a 12-week course of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and I actually found it incredibly useful in combating my anxiety issues. I know loads of different people have had a whole variety of different experiences with it, but that's mine (if you want me to write a whole post on what was involved with my CBT and what I thought about it all then let me know).
When I was perusing Pinterest a couple of months ago, I came across an article - let's face it, it was probably buzz feed - all about self-help and interactive journals. Paired with an old Waterstones voucher I found in a drawer, this idea was all good to go and I picked out the journal that looked best and 'voila', there I was with my very own Start Where You Are journal. I am so glad I came across this because it has honestly worked hand in hand with the things I learnt on my course of CBT.
The Start Where You are journal takes you on a journey of self-exploration, and gets its name from the notion that you don't need anything but yourself, here and now, to get started on this journey. Each double page spread features a watercolour quotation designed by the author Meera Lee Patel, as well as a thinking and writing prompt. Some of my favourites so far have been: 'write down ten big dreams that haven't come true yet' and 'fill these tiger outlines with three of your biggest fears, then colour them in until you can't see the fear anymore'.
I love the whole concept behind this journal because, although I'm a really creative person, and love exploring through that medium, I'm really rather shit at anything artsy. Honestly, I'm below stick people level. If you asked me to sit down and create a nice photo set-up or a descriptive piece of text, I'd be all over it, but ask me to draw something and let my mind flow free? I'm stumped.
Everyone at the moment is obsessed with Bullet Journals, and I honestly love the idea behind them, but in reality, my lack of artistic creativity and my ungodly scrawl would make me so upset that my BuJo would just make me cry. This is where my Start Where You Are journal comes in. It nurtures my creativity, occasionally asking me to draw certain things, colour things, or just allows me to bask in the beauty of Meera's watercolours. Thus, I have the perfect medium: I can be creative, without having to form my own creative destiny.
There's absolutely no set order you have to fill the journal in in, or guidelines over how frequently you need to fill each page in. I've incorporated my Start Where You Are journal into my pre-bed anti-anxiety rituals that help get me ready for the night. It gives me an opportunity to reflect over my day, and I have a quick glance through all of my previous filled in pages before starting a new one.
All in all, this journal has really helped me to learn a lot more about myself, and has helped me embrace the positivity in every single day. It's worked hand in hand with my CBT, and reminded me that each day is special, and each day is worth it.
Have you used a similar journal?
Follow me on Bloglovin | Twitter | Instagram | Facebook | Youtube
This coming Monday is supposedly the most depressing day of the year (who makes these statistics?!), but I think it's safe to say that January can be a bit rough on all of us: Christmas is over, we're back to work, money's tight post Christmas and worst of all it's bloody freezing and dark outside All. The. Time. So, I thought I'd share my tips on how I'm nourishing myself that little bit extra this Jan to make sure my mood doesn't dip too low.
1.) Take a little pamper time out. For me this involves a good ol' pamper night. I whack on a face mask and hair mask, sit down with one of my favourite movies and take some time out. Doing a little extra than just my normal beauty routine really makes me feel good - my confidence is boosted which is super important for keeping us happy.
2.) Get your diet right. Now, by this I don't mean we all ought to ensure we're eating salads everyday, minimising calories and joining the nearest dieting group. We all over indulge a little over Christmas, and there's a lot of pressure on us to start a "new year new me" 2016 diet in the effort to lose a dress size, or git rid of a few pounds. But this diet mentality actually adds to our unhappiness I believe. We need to be maximising our nutritional intake with home cooked meals, and a shedding of toxic foods without making ourselves unhappy. Yes I love cheese, and yes going without it is hard, but treating myself in another way - perhaps with a fruit salad & yummy yoghurt after dinner is the better way forward than removing it and not replacing it.
3.) Don't believe that you can 'disappoint' yourself. Even if we don't all set New Years' resolutions, most of us at least ponder something we'd like to change. It can then be rather disheartening if we don't see the results we want, and feel as though we've let ourselves down to some extent. But, it's important to remind ourselves daily that human beings are not perfect. One of my goals was to do something blog related every day, and I've broken this more than once. But I can acknowledge that even though some days I've been too tired or too busy, having this goal in mind has allowed me to do a lot more than I otherwise would have done.
4.) Practice mindfulness. This is possibly the most important one for me at the moment. There are a tonne of really good books out there that can tell you exactly what mindfulness is all about, but for me mindfulness is about being in the present moment. We're all pretty aware that colouring books for adults became a massive market in the last year, and are aimed at helping us to enhance our mindfulness in a fairly easy and affordable manner, and I'm absolutely loving this craze at the moment. A little yoga routine every morning as soon as I get up, and a cheeky 15 minute colouring session in bed before I attempt to sleep has pretty much cured my horrible sleeping pattern (which brings me on to point 5)
5.) Get some zzzzzz's. Sleep is love, sleep is life is basically my daily mantra, but too much sleep can almost be as negative as too little. I was sleeping for at least 12 hours a day up until recently, which was not only super unproductive, but meant that I only sleep for about 2 hours' straight at any one point before waking up which was making me feel super tired even though it was the excess of sleep that was waking my body up (what a vicious cycle!. The establishment of a decent sleep routine has amazing benefits, and there's nothing better than actually feeling sleepy at night and awake in the morning because you've finally conditioned your body clock correctly.
What would your tips be?
The past few weeks I've been feeling a bit off-balance, a bit glum, and a bit in danger of slipping back into old habits. Largely this is because we haven't had an oven or grill(!) since the beginning of August, so my diet has gone massively off the wagon to say the least. BUT, to cheer myself up I've been reminding myself of all the amazing experiences I've had this summer, and one of the highlights was definitely heading to Jungle Park when me and the boy sunned it up in Tenerife for a week.
Reminiscing over "better times" always has the added danger of making you slip into an even greater pit of self pity - the whole "why can't I just go back to that day and relive it" thing is something I'm prone to do. So, I'm determined to stop that mentality and not get frustrated about how much better that day was in comparison to this day. INSTEAD, good memories are there to make us happy - so I'm going to use this post to remind me that life is great, and full of wonders.
Anyway, the park itself was so beautiful. Although it was our most expensive day out of the entire holiday, it was possibly the most exciting. We headed to a jungle inland on the island. Exploring the park was my favourite part of the experience, as the place was full of rope bridges and little nooks and crannies to get through.
What do you do to cheer you up- when you're glum?
