Citalopram: the first four months of saying goodbye

Citalopram was a bit of a saviour for twenty-year old me. Having struggled with self harm for a number of years I was finally in the headspace to consider the idea of getting some help and starting to sort my life out. The GP started me off on a course of Citalopram, taking 20mg a day, and it was an actual lifesaver. Of course, things took a while to kick in (and I've got a blog post here on what it was like starting to take citalopram), but the word I would use to describe my time taking them is 'stable'. 

The first six months of driving: fears, problems and independence

I've actually been driving for a little over six months now (since July last year), and it's been an absolute whirlwind of excitement and deep belly-clutching anxiety. As a 24 year old, I was an older learner, but I'm glad I waited in a way, and not just because my first round of insurance wasn't as painful as expected!

Why it's okay if it's not your day (your week, your month, or even your year)

I'm having a lot of fun with blogging again at the moment, finally tapping into what I've been wanting to do for months, and I think I've spiralled a little out of control with this title. But I mean, has there ever been a better time for a Friends quote?

What does 'adulthood' mean to me?

I've officially been an 'adult' for six years and three months now. That's pretty terrifying. There's an expectation that once you hit a certain point (who knows exactly when this is?? 20?? 21?? 18??), you're an adult and there's no going back. 

Turning the tables on my anxiety

For far too long, anxiety has absolutely had a hold of me. It's been the one calling the shots, and I've been the one forced to deal with the consequences. My anxiety is a part of who I am, but at the same time there are so many other things that make me 'me' that it's not okay to give everything else up for this. In the last month or two I've seen my anxiety sky-rocket again. I'm not sure what's causing it, but I'm determined to not let it shift the control in my life away from me again.

Summer bucket list

Summer is not a time where I shine. I'm sweaty, grumpy and honestly it ruins the main joy in my life: sleep. But, I'm working on embracing things, even if they bring me discomfort, so whilst I'm waiting around for the season of chunky knits and cosy nights in to rock around, here's a few things I want to get done this summer:

How do I know if I've got a mental health problem?

Mental health and physical health can be likened to one another in a myriad of ways, but ultimately although they are somewhat similar, there's one clear difference: with the majority of physical health concerns, there are a number of tests that can give you an answer as to what's going on. You go to the doctors with a problem, and you expect them to (eventually) be able to say, okay, you have X illness, and here's what we can do. I'm not saying this happens with all physical health conditions, or that things always get diagnosed correctly at first all the time. For mental health issues however, there are no blood tests or urine samples or anything that can really tell you if you have a problem. 

New in from Trigger Publishing: 'Must Try Harder: Adventures in Anxiety'*

The title of this book raised my hackles a little, as myself, and so many other people who have suffered from anxiety, have been told that if we just tried a bit harder, we'd *actually* be able to do things. Thankfully this was not what this book was about at all. The author uses this phrase in her own blog, a precursor to the book called 'Paula Must Try Harder' to subvert the negativity that people with mental illnesses have had thrown at them, using it in a fairly comedic way to document her fight against anxiety.

It's okay to leave people on 'read'

My phone is pretty much permanently glued to my side in 2018. From scrolling through Insta to chatting on Whatsapp to hunting down the best memes on twitter, I am obsessed. But, being so clingy to my phone means there's a total expectation that you can reply to messages instantly; so what happens when your mental health means you can't?

Dealing with *that* Sunday night feeling

We've all felt this at some point haven't we? The utter dread in the pit of your stomach when you realise that the weekend is coming to a close and Monday is starting again. It's horrible, and it always seems especially tricky at this time of year. The evening seems to absolutely whizz by when it starts to get dark at 4pm and it just leaves the day feeling so damn short.

Tackling my sleep problems with Resmed's Sleep+ *

Sleep is pretty darn high up on my list of favourite things. Seriously. Is there anything better than the sensation of being so tired that your eyes are just willing you into the land of nod? Or sliding between fresh sheets in your favourite PJs? Nah.

Dealing with Anxiety Triggers: Being Home Alone

My mini series on 'Dealing with Weight Gain' (check out the latest post here) has contained some of my favourite posts I've ever written. Thinking about ways to tackle certain issues I've faced when it comes to weight gain has really helped me to come to terms with things and hopefully will have helped others to deal with similar issues. So, I thought I'd tackle another area of my life which can have quite a consuming impact on my mind: anxiety. I'm not sure yet if this will be another series; for the moment this is a standalone post.

School can be shit: how to cope when a new term endangers your mental health

There can be a whole tonne of really good things about school, but it can also be really tough for a whole variety of people. Everyone seems to say that your teenage years are the best years of your life, but my opinion? That saying is utter bullshit. And not only because it's not always true. It makes your future life seem pointless and a thing of never-ending misery. I spent a lot of time in my teenage years asking myself just how awful adult life could be if I was currently in my 'prime of happiness'. The truth is that my adult life isn't awful. It's rocky, I have a tonne of responsibilities, but I have a far better time than I did as a teen.
Despite enjoying the academic side of school a lot, I really found the social and physical side of it to be a massive strain on my mental health. When I say physical here I don't mean having to do PE (although that was a challenge too), but more bringing myself to actually go into school every day was something I genuinely found hard. There were some really horrible periods, where getting through one single day seemed like an impossible challenge. So just know that if you feel like each day is unbearable you are not alone. I even remember going through a phase of ticking off each day three times on my calendar to motivate myself to get through it: I would tick the calendar for waking up, tick it for going through the school day and tick it before bed. That way I could count down the days until it was the weekend or a school holiday in a much more intense way. 
This may seem 'crazy', but that's because we've all been taught that your expression of mental health problems makes you crazy, when in fact the very word exists to simply divide people from each other. I hate using the word, as it has so many negative connotations. So yes, my behaviour was erratic, upsetting and hard to understand at this time, but it was never crazy. 'Crazy' is just a construct.
Going back to school after a break, especially after the Christmas holidays, can be really hard. And a lot of people don't understand how or why. It's often perceived as laziness: just because you struggle to get out of bed early in the morning to get to school does not mean you're lazy. This kind of prejudice against how you feel when you return to school makes it so much harder for you to accept that what you're doing is brave and tough and it's okay to feel as though it's all a little too overwhelming.
I'm not saying I know what any of you are going through, but if you are struggling with the first week back at school, or with the idea of getting through a whole seven weeks before having a real break, then just know that you're not alone. The fact that other people struggle with it too does not however lessen your struggle. 
I've thought of a few tips that either really helped me when I was at school, or I wish I knew back when I was there that could have helped me to cope with school when I was having a rubbish time with my mental health:
1.) Find yourself a 'comfort blanket' item. This one is a bit of a double-edged sword, but is something I find so helpful. Pop something small that helps you to feel calm in your blazer or backpack that you can pull out when you're alone and feeling anxious. I was kindly given an Irish worry stone as a little Christmas present by another blogger, and I'm going to put it in my main handbag so that I can rub it when I feel stressed.
2. Prepare for school the night before. This is something that everyone tells you anyway, but I find it stills helps me now to deal with work in the morning. Get your clothes ready and school bag packed whilst you're feeling fully awake so that you have less to do in the morning. It also minimises the chance of you forgetting something important for school, which can really set your anxiety off.
3.) Treat yo-self. This sounds like a silly one, but it's probably the one that I found to be most useful. Reward yourself for going to school and getting through the day with something special. It could be a favouite chocolate bar, a nice bath, or simply taking some 'me' time out to read a book. On really bad days I'd pop a little treat in with my lunch as something to look forward to having for getting through the morning. You could even have a big treat for the end of the week: a new book, popping into LUSH and buying a special bath bomb, or maybe even cooking your favourite meal are favourites of mine.
4.) Take time out when you need it. Sometimes it's really bloody hard trying to be sociable all day every day. It can all get so overwhelming that you switch off from everyone and go into a little spiral of anti-social behaviour. Instead of this, it's nice to take little breaks from people. Spend a break time in the library relaxing on your own, or if you really don't feel up to school, taking one day off isn't the end of the world. Take the time to re-coup, really think about what's bothering you and tackle it.
5.) Keep up to date on your work, and focus in class. I know I sound like an overbearing parent right now, but I found my general school-related anxiety sky-rocketed when I ignored everyone's advice. There's nothing worse than realising you're at a point of no return: you're so far behind that you possibly can't catch up again. Anxiety levels rise as school grades drop, and it's so hard to fix. Getting into a good routine of doing work at the start of a term can stop this showballing effect.
So, there we have it. Some tips that I really hope can help some of you that are struggling in the first week back. My twitter or email inbox is always open if you need a friendly face to talk to about your concerns. And remember: things get better, and school is temporary, even if it seems neverending. 
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Anti-Anxiety Pre-Bed Routine

I've been feeling a lot more inclined to chat about mental health issues on my blog at the moment as, if I'm honest, my own mental health has been pretty shitty for the past few weeks. There have been a few issues at work, which led to the nasty manager who was a bit of a bully getting fired. This was kind of fab as I felt as though a load had been taken off of my chest and I felt far less anxious for shifts. But, it has meant that my shifts have been upped to cover the shifts she would have been doing, and I have been struggling to deal with the thought of going to all of them. Also, when I moved house I moved much further away from my work, and walking & getting the bus there has made my anxiety a lot worse, especially after a scary bus journey on Saturday which led to my first panic attack in months. Not brill.
Anyhow, if you've been on my twitter recently you'll probably know all of this already and have seen that I'm a bit glum, so I'm really trying extra hard at the moment to do all the little (and large) things that help my anxiety lessen. The most important aspect of this is my bedtime routine. If I don't get enough sleep, waking up seems terrifying, and more importantly, being awake in the night stresses me out a ridiculous amount. Annoyingly, as I've been preparing to write this, my sleeping habits have worsened and even after a ten and a half hour long day at work yesterday I still woke up after about three hours' sleep and couldn't re-enter the land of nod. 
However, I used to find getting to sleep much, much harder than I do nowadays, because I simply hadn't nailed down a proper routine, and I know that my sleep has been rubbish over the past few days because I haven't been sticking to my normal routine. Writing this post today is going to be a bit of a prompt for me to make sure that I'm not lazy with my routine this evening as I am on a finish at work, which means I'll get back fairly late, and not have masses of time to wind down in.
The physical routine
Winding down for me takes a bit of time, and a bit of effort, but it's totally worth it in my mind to get a good night's sleep. Changing out of my work or day clothes into my pajamas is the first stage in my routine, and it signals to my body that it's time to start chilling out. I'm no longer restrained by tight clothes, a bra (total freedom) or pants. #goals. I'm pretty picky with my pajamas, as I like to feel a little bit happier when I put them on. At the moment my total faves are my long sleeved Bambi waffle-textured PJs from Primark, as they feel a little bit like a onesie and are just so soft. I also like to pop on a pair of cosy fluffy bed socks to keep my tootsies happy.
Then comes the cleanse. I take my makeup off with my Garnier micellar water, and follow it up with my Liz Earle cleanser. Using the latter feels a little bit pamper-y and ensures that all of my makeup is 100% gone. Then, once I'm in bed I massage on my Korres overnight sleeping facial mask to ensure that my skin is all soft and hydrated. 
If I can feel that my anxiety is really taking its toll on me, I'll have a nice long bath. A LUSH bath bomb, some Youtube videos in the background and a good body scrub always make me feel amazing as well as truly chilled out.
All of these combine to signal to my body that it's time to start slowing down. It takes a while for this to start settling in, but a good three weeks or so should be long enough for you to start feeling a little more relaxed and sleepy as you do these things. 
The mental routine
In my opinion this is definitely more important than the physical one, but they do go hand in hand together very well. The first stage in this part of my routine is definitely to switch my laptop off. I'm guilty of being one of those people who finds it really really hard to switch off, and most days I would just work right up until I'm too tired to keep my eyes open anymore. This really isn't healthy, and I always find that the tiredness ebbs away into anxiety when I hop into bed because I haven't had that time to wind down. I now really do try to turn my laptop off at least an hour before I go to bed.
Now, this doesn't mean I hold a complete pre-bed technology ban because I'm just not that kind of gal. Watching a good ol' bit of Netflix under a cosy blanket is one of my favourite ways to wind down. It gives me a chance to do something a bit fun before bedtime and for my brain to stop whirring on my own thoughts and focus on the programme.
However, sometimes that still can't keep the anxious thoughts at bay. So, often I'll be curled up with my colouring book and favourite pencils, or a jigsaw puzzle to help distract me and give me something to focus on. I've been absolutely loving the whole mindfulness colouring trend, and it's something that I hope I'll continue to do a lot more of in the future.
Finally, when I settle into bed I don't attempt to go straight to sleep. This never works for me. I even end up getting anxious about the fact that I don't know how my body transitions from being awake to being asleep, and I wake myself up by being concerned that I've forgotten how to sleep. It's all a bit of a vicious cycle. So, I turn off the main light in our bedroom and switch to a lamp. This means the light is less harsh, but I'm not left in total darkness: something which still spooks me out. At the moment we have a globe lamp that my boyfriend has had from childhood, and I love it, but I SO want to get a Lumee lamp for Christmas. Their lamps can be set to gradually get darker and darker over a period of your choosing and in that way replicates a sunset and appeals to your body's natural rhythms. 
Whilst the lamp is on I effectively read until I'm so tired that I can barely keep my eyes open, or focus on the book anymore. Reading transports me to an alternate realm, one in which my anxiety doesn't exist, and I'm not a girl feeling a bit low trying her best to get to sleep at a reasonable time. Instead, I'm in the book, following the characters along at a short distance. 
I really hope this was helpful to see what I do to attempt to keep my anxiety away at nighttime. What do you do?
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How to deal with packing anxiety

I have got some major news for you guys. Me and Tyler are officially moving into our first home together on Friday *squeals*. That means no more grotty student houses, or living in a one room outhouse that his parents own. Hallelujah. Although we've been living together for a good three years now, we've never been living on our own, so it's still quite a big step forward in our relationship. 
We're so ready to finally have a place that is just ours, that we can fill with little bits and pieces that mean something to us, and (most importantly for me) that we can host our first Christmas as real adults in. 
Almost everything is sorted out now, and a finalised contract between us and the landlord just needs to be signed in the next few days and then we're ready to get the moving truck (thank GOD my uncle owns a plumbing company haha) down to our new place. Once Friday is over, Saturday will see us making a lengthy journey to go to Bristol's IKEA and pick up all the new furniture and decor we need.
You see, I've been super organised about some things. I know what I want to go in each room. I've got my deposit and first month's rent ready. I've booked the time off work that I need for the moving business. I've even gone onto IKEA's website to look up all the furniture I want and jotted down the price to get an estimate. The one thing I haven't done? Started packing. Yep, I have four days until moving day and packing is non-existent. The one saving factor in all of this is that we only unpacked half of our stuff when we moved out of student housing - everything for the kitchen and a few other bits went in the loft and haven't been touched. 
With all this organisation, why haven't you started packing yet Steph, I hear you all muttering at your screens. Well, because packing is something that massively triggers my anxiety. Even the thought of it makes me want to shove the idea of packing into the tiniest corner of my mind so that I can (hopefully) forget about it. You see, my anxiety is largely based around the notion of being trapped, but it's more of a psychological entrapment than a physical one. For example, being in a lift or on a packed train doesn't really phase me. But, the idea of leaving my home and not being able to go back inside it for a few hours, ergo being trapped in the outside world, sometimes gets my hackles raised. 
The notion, therefore, of having to 'trap' my belongings in boxes, shut them up and then not be able to re-open them or make sure everything is packed properly stresses me out completely. Let's not even talk about leaving something behind, and trapping it in a house that I no longer have access to! So, I decided to write this post partly to procrastinate from packing of course, but also to create some tips both for myself and for all of you on how to deal with anxiety based around packing. Anxiety affects everyone in different ways, but hopefully these tips will be broad enough to help a few of you.
1.) Have an action plan. Packing up an entire house is a mammoth task, and can(/does) feel completely overwhelming. Planning can help make that task a little bit easier, and as an added bonus, it's the perfect excuse to procrastinate, hehe. Seriously though, deciding what you're going to start packing, what you're going to leave until the last moment, and what bits and pieces are going to be packed together will take a weight of stress off when it comes to actually packing.
2.) Start with one room and move to the next. About a year ago I made the mistake of starting to read The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. Now, I'm not saying it was complete bullshit, but basically yeah. It advised you to work with themes rather than rooms, e.g. collect all of your makeup together and then sort through it, deciding what you do and don't want. Now, this is all well and good until you've boxed up all of your makeup and then remember that you've actually hoarded a set of lipsticks in a random place you've forgotten about. You see how this can start to go off the rails? So, stick to one room, and package everything up until you have packed everything you can and then move to the next room. Starting with your least necessary room is always useful: a spare room or conservatory is a good one. 
3.) Declutter as you go. This is something that I always manage to do when I'm moving. Set up one bin bag for charity shops bits, one for the bin, and have a box for things you're keeping. This really helps in not feeling shitty when you get to the other end and have to unpack everything wondering why you bothered to pack Dinosaur Top Trumps when you didn't really need it.
4.) Get a friend or family member over to help. My sister is my go-to for this (and everything really). I'm pretty appalling at organising myself so she stands there, sharpie at the ready, and tells me what to put in what box, and helps to get things ship shape. Sometimes it really helps to have an extra pair of eyes. And someone to join in on snack breaks, obvs.
5.) Put your favourite music/TV show on. When I'm doing something that makes me a little anxious, I like to have something on in the background. My go-to is Youtube videos. I can tune into them, and tune out of my anxiety. I think having something extra to focus on can really help. 
6.) Take time out to pack effectively. Packing in a rush after an 8+ hour day is always going to suck, anxiety or not. Packing on your days off, or booking a few in order to do it will help keep your mind free of work related stress (hopefully) so you can focus on the task at hand without being over tired. 
I really hope these tips were helpful! What do you do to make your packing less anxiety-ridden?
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10 Ways to make a student house a home

We all know how glad I was to leave my student house, but as uni season is about to start once more I thought I would do a little post on tips to make your uni house feel a little more homely. Moving away from home for the first time can, frankly, be terrifying, and moving in with your friends (or friends of friends) can be more than a little daunting too. 
Most of the time, student homes can be a tad grotty. In our third and fourth years in a student home, the people I lived with and myself opted for the cheapest accommodation we could find. It was pretty rank to begin with, so adding the combination of four boys and one very messy Steph to that mix hardly helped the situation. However, over the four years I spent in student accommodation, I came up with some pretty nifty little tricks to make everything feel more comfortable. The anxiety that I suffer from is worst in places that I don't feel are really 'me' or are cosy and comfy, so this was really important to me! Without any more rambling, here are my top ten tips:
1.) Ensure you have a space that is entirely yours. I know this sounds pretty simple, but as I lived with my partner at uni, this was something we really worked hard at making sure we had. Having a space that you can completely call your own means that when you don't want to be disturbed, you can go back to your space and have a little 'me time'.
2.) Make sure a weekly clean is done of shared areas and your room. One of my favourite parts about visiting home when I was at uni was that I could actually touch anything without being worried that I would end up with sticky hands or a whole horde of germs. Even if you don't like cleaning yourself, discuss hiring a cleaner with your flatmates - splitting the cost would make it minimal. We all feel better in a clean and tidy environment, so making sure your student house is one is bound to make you feel a little better.
3.) Candles. Lots of them. Living with four boys in my third year at uni made me realise that sports bring home a lot of unpleasant odours. Now, I'm not saying this is solely a male thing, but as the only non sportsperson in the house, I do like to think that I wasn't the one making everywhere smell of mud and grass and BO. Who knows. So, I set up candles in the living/dining area and one in my bedroom. It made sure that our house didn't smell too student-y and was also really comforting for me when I was working. I'm used to having a tonne of candles on at home whilst doing work, so it made me feel very relaxed.
4.) A teddy, blanket or pillow from home. I know this one sounds super childish, but do you know what? Out of the six different people that I lived with at uni, every one of them had either a teddy or blanket from home. Even if they wouldn't admit it to the average Joe. Curling up with one of these on a night when you're feeling a bit shitty and missing home is the best, especially if it still smells like home!
5.) A throw and cute cushions to cover an ugly-ass sofa. I don't know why landlords of student housing love the most horrendous sofas, but they seem to. I'm pretty sure half of the ones I've seen were taken off of a skip they're so old. They're also usually looking pretty dirty and untrustworthy. A nice pale throw can really help to brighten up a gloomy living room, and cushions are sometimes totally necessary so you don't fall into the sofa's uncomfortable bones. 
6.) Flowers. I only discovered the wonder of fresh flowers in my final year and I really feel like I missed out before. They just add some extra brightness to the living room, and seem to perk everyone's mood up a little.
7.) Throw open the curtains and windows to let in some air every so often. I have so many memories of me whining at school or at home when teachers or my mum decided to 'let some air in' like ugh I was cosy, can you not. BUT, when you're spending seven or eight hours at your desk working on uni stuff, it's really helpful to open some windows for an hour or so to get some fresh air in. This also helps to stop your room smelling musty. We got into such a bad habit at all of my student houses of just not opening the curtains, and keeping up with that to let in some light every day not only makes things feel a lot less cramped and miserable, but also makes it harder for mould to grow. 
8.) Bring some old movies with you. Snuggling down with a 90s or Disney movie and some snacks is one of my favourite things to do when I'm feeling low. I don't know about you, but watching movies from my childhood definitely makes me feel more at home, and it's even better if you can persuade everyone else to have a uni house movie watching night!
9.) Have special snacks in your room/food cupboard. Okay, this one is a little biased to all you fellow emotional eaters out there. I have some foods that definitely remind me of home, or that I like to eat when I feel rubbish. Cheese smothered nachos and fruit dipped in melted chocolate (not together) are my go-to when I'm feeling really miserable, for example. Boiled eggs with faces drawn on are my go-to when I'm feeling homesick and need a little morning pick-me-up. Whatever your go-to is, have some hidden away in the house for when the stress of uni life gets on top of you.
10.) Put fresh sheets on your bed every week or fortnight. Is there a better feeling than popping on clean PJs and getting into fresh sheets? I really don't think so. I found it SO hard to keep up with this when I first started uni and my mum wasn't there to help me anymore, but sleeping in grotty sheets is pretty miserable. Plus, going out and choosing some new duvet sets for when you start uni really makes the bed feel as if it's your own.
What would you add to the list? I really hope this post was helpful!
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My Summer in Pictures

This post is something that I've been wanting to do for so long. I love reading other peoples' photo diary posts, and basically having a good ol' nose at what they've been up to, so I figured I would finally do one of my own. I've also been feeling a little bit 'meh' and a weeny bit lost in the past week or so, so writing this post is a great reminder for myself of all the cool things I've done and all the things I've achieved in the past few months.

So, we're kicking off this photo diary with my birthday (of course), which was wayyyy back in the beginning of June. I was still living in my student house at this point, and was so excited to get out of there and move to my new town. I packed up and moved a week after my birthday - totes 'feeling 22' by the way - and my birthday weekend was spent in a mad scramble of packing, visiting Birmingham and having one last barbecue in Leamington.

June was also a month of (albeit tiny) personal achievements for me. I overcame my anxiety and dealt with moving to a completely new town in which I knew no one, and still can count the number of people I do know on my fingers. I also finally learnt how to Dutch braid my hair, and even made a little tutorial for you guys on it. This is something that I've always wanted to do, and I feel like it gets neater every time I give it a go!

The end of June saw me heading to my first ever real blogger event in London, and I had so much fun! I got to meet a whole crowd of absolutely lovely bloggers, and I've written up my experiences in a post here. It gave me the chance to push myself out of my comfort zone and get in touch with a few brands too.

July really felt like such a 'nothing' month for me until I started really thinking about it. I did a whole bunch of pretty awesome things, but they were so spread out it definitely felt like not much went on! I finally found a job that I was (and still am) really happy in to go alongside my freelance work, which has taken a heap of stress off of my finances! 

I went back to Leamington to visit my two closest friends, have a little cocktail making session and get a lil' broody over a beautiful newborn boy that one of them had just had. It definitely helped to ease my homesickness and make me feel less lonely, but it was so hard to leave all over again after a couple of days there!

I did my first fashion post in over six months in July, which really helped me feel more confident after gaining a lot of weight in the last year or so. It was nice to feel sassy and pretty again in a little photo shoot in the nature reserve behind our house!

We also started exploring our local area more in July. The Tewkesbury food festival was my absolute favourite outing of the month. We tried lots of local cider, tasty treats and walked away with some homemade fudge to munch on, mmmm. 

Finally, August saw me do my first bit of UK travel in quite a few months. I headed into Camden to spend a day browsing the markets and hitting the Cereal Killer Cafe with my sister for her birthday. It was the best day I had all summer (possibly), and has me totally inspired to travel more of the UK in the coming months! 
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5 Reasons Why I've Fallen For Pokemon Go

If you haven't heard of Pokemon Go by now, then what have you been doing for the past few weeks (seriously)?! Within it's very short lifespan, it's become the biggest online game ever, beating the likes of World of Warcraft (or WoW as it's more affectionately known). I downloaded it as soon as it was available in the UK and have fallen totally head over heels for the game/app. 
However, there's been a buttload of hateful negative commentaries about the game all over the internet, which is such a shame. I'm all about promoting positivity here on Nourish ME, so today I'm going to be talking very quickly about why I think Nintendo's new release is actually fab.
1.) It's helped me overcome my anxiety and leave the house. Leaving the house is where my anxiety strikes me hardest, and I tend to avoid it as much as possible, but now I actually look forward to it in the hope of catching some new Pokemon.
2.) I don't remember the last time I walked this much, this frequently. In case you don't know, you can get eggs from Pokestops (usually historical/community places such as nature reserves, old pubs, museums etc) and you have to walk 2, 5, or 10 kilometres to hatch them. We've been heading out on special trips specifically for egg hatching and it's been fab.
3.) I love collecting things. I'm not going to lie here, in my daily life I'm a bit of a hoarder. I've got over 400 books (whoops) and have pretty much every Sims 3 game ever (no regrets there). So getting a chance to collect 250 different Pokemon without having to pay a penny puts a massive grin on my face.
4.) It's given me and my boyfriend the chance to spend a tonne of quality time together, that otherwise wouldn't happen. As I said, we've been taking special trips out to our local towns and have spent a few days just wandering around together, eating lunch in quaint tea shops and getting a good dose of Vitamin D. It's actually (oddly) been something that we've been bonding over, and we're always giving each other heads up for new Pokemon on the scene.
5.) It's made me thankful to live in the countryside. I hate living in the countryside - I only moved here about a month ago and there are SO MANY BUGS I cannot handle it. So, finding out that my current home is basically on top of a Pokestop because of the nature reserve just behind it has been heavenly. All the pokeballs for me. 
I hope you enjoyed this post as much as I enjoyed writing it, and if you haven't yet downloaded Pokemon Go, then give it a whirl!
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Mental Health and Creative Journalling with a Start Where You Are Journal

Although I try to keep things as positive as I can over on Nourish ME, the truth is that behind the scenes things can be a lot less optimistic. I don't want to use the word negative, because I really do try to keep the negative vibes away, but sometimes sadness can get overwhelming.
I've been struggling with depression, and the anxiety that goes hand in hand with it, for over four years now. Keeping my little corner of the internet over here at Nourish ME has been SO helpful, but there is a whole myriad of other things I do to help ease the impact of these illnesses upon my life.
About a year and a half ago, I started a 12-week course of CBT  (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and I actually found it incredibly useful in combating my anxiety issues. I know loads of different people have had a whole variety of different experiences with it, but that's mine (if you want me to write a whole post on what was involved with my CBT and what I thought about it all then let me know). 
When I was perusing Pinterest a couple of months ago, I came across an article - let's face it, it was probably buzz feed - all about self-help and interactive journals. Paired with an old Waterstones voucher I found in a drawer, this idea was all good to go and I picked out the journal that looked best and 'voila', there I was with my very own Start Where You Are journal. I am so glad I came across this because it has honestly worked hand in hand with the things I learnt on my course of CBT.
The Start Where You are journal takes you on a journey of self-exploration, and gets its name from the notion that you don't need anything but yourself, here and now, to get started on this journey. Each double page spread features a watercolour quotation designed by the author Meera Lee Patel, as well as a thinking and writing prompt. Some of my favourites so far have been: 'write down ten big dreams that haven't come true yet' and 'fill these tiger outlines with three of your biggest fears, then colour them in until you can't see the fear anymore'.
I love the whole concept behind this journal because, although I'm a really creative person, and love exploring through that medium, I'm really rather shit at anything artsy. Honestly, I'm below stick people level. If you asked me to sit down and create a nice photo set-up or a descriptive piece of text, I'd be all over it, but ask me to draw something and let my mind flow free? I'm stumped. 
Everyone at the moment is obsessed with  Bullet Journals, and I honestly love the idea behind them, but in reality, my lack of artistic creativity and my ungodly scrawl would make me so upset that my BuJo would just make me cry. This is where my Start Where You Are journal comes in. It nurtures my creativity, occasionally asking me to draw certain things, colour things, or just allows me to bask in the beauty of Meera's watercolours. Thus, I have the perfect medium: I can be creative, without having to form my own creative destiny. 
There's absolutely no set order you have to fill the journal in in, or guidelines over how frequently you need to fill each page in. I've incorporated my Start Where You Are journal into my pre-bed anti-anxiety rituals that help get me ready for the night. It gives me an opportunity to reflect over my day, and I have a quick glance through all of my previous filled in pages before starting a new one. 
All in all, this journal has really helped me to learn a lot more about myself, and has helped me embrace the positivity in every single day. It's worked hand in hand with my CBT, and reminded me that each day is special, and each day is worth it.
Have you used a similar journal?
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Overcoming Food Fears with Tilda Rice*

It's fairly common knowledge amongst my close friends and family that I'm a 'fussy eater', but I rarely even attempt to explain why. I don't choose to 'turn my nose up' at things, or refuse to try a new food because I'm being obstinate on purpose, believe me. In the past few years I've extended my palate and the range of food that I eat massively, but to this day I still struggle to even consider trying new things, or changing the way I eat. 
My mental health and general anxiety are closely connected to the way I eat. I'm 100% an emotional eater, but it goes beyond just eating when I'm sad or happy or worried. There are certain foods I associate with happiness (watermelon and nachos, for example), and if I've had a bad day, then a 'normal' meal just won't suffice, and it might even end in tears because I haven't had one of my special meals that I associate with happiness.
This may all sound very strange, but it has a massive impact on the way I eat and what I choose to eat. Gradually over the past three years of our relationship my boyfriend and I have worked together to expand my idea of 'safe' and 'happy' foods, that I can eat to maintain a good mood, and I've started eating things I could never have imagined eating before. If you had asked me back in 2013 whether I would ever eat paella or sushi, I would have grimaced and replied with a firm 'nope', but now these, and other more adventurous foods, have a place in my diet. 
It's not even just the content of the food that my anxiety impacts, but the way the food is presented and eaten as well. Meals with lots of different components (e.g. a roast with meat, potatoes, stuffing and several types of vegetable) take me forever to eat because I have to have a mouthful that contains the right proportion of each type of food. This involves me chopping everything up into the 'right' size before eating it, and I just can't imagine not doing that. This is possibly the most irritating aspect of my food anxiety - if you're eating with me I WILL take forever.
As well as this, if I'm cooking for myself the different foods on my plate cannot be touching or piled on top of each other, unless it's a dish that is designed to be like that, for example, paella. So, it actually takes a little longer to plate up, and god forbid if anyone smothers my food in a sauce I don't like. 
New foods also pose quite a threat. It took two years of incessant persuasion for my boyfriend to even get me to try sushi, and then I discovered that I loved it ... whoops. This means that I'm *that* person that goes to a pizza restaurant and orders margarita, because I know I like it.
So, when Tilda Rice offered to send me some samples of their new rice and pulses pouches, I was more than a little nervous. They sent me: the chickpea, harissa and lemon pouch*; the pinto bean, green chili and lime pouch*; the edamame, spring onion and wasabi pouch*; the split pea, green chili and coriander pouch*; and the black bean, jerk and coconut pouch*. In essence, the pouches contain basmati rice with a sauce and a form of pulses.
Not only do some of the pouches contain new foods for me, but also everything was mixed. However, I had agreed to write this post, so I wanted (and needed) to push myself into trying to whip something enjoyable up out of these pouches of goodness. 
I'm not going to lie, I didn't enjoy all of them too much - everyone has their favourite and least favourite flavours right? Well I don't like barbecue sauce (I know, I know, it's a crime), so jerk sauce never goes down very well with me. However, the chickpea, harissa and lemon pouch was utterly divine, and I would actually repurchase it for a nice easy lunch when I'm feeling a little lazy. 
How did you overcome your food fears with them, I hear you ask? Well, for starters I didn't rush my sampling of them. I probably tried one every other day and decided not to put too much pressure on myself. If I didn't like it and couldn't finish it, that was fine, because I had put myself out on a limb to try it.  I also ensured that I had something I knew I liked to accompany it. With some I made a little curry sauce and chicken, and with others I had homemade chunky pasta sauce. Combining familiar flavours with these new ones definitely made them a lot easier to handle. 
Do you have any food fears like me?
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