Dealing with a parent remarrying

I've been putting off writing this all day. I've cleaned my pets out, cooked a full on from-scratch kinda dinner, searched for a new place to move to and finally resorted to a bath to relax and actually do something enjoyable with my Friday night. 
My parents' breakup is something that I've never spoken about on this blog. To be quite honest, I'm not sure if I ever will talk about the ordeal itself. I've waited a long time to allow myself to be rational and fair with my thoughts on the matter. Today's post has been plaguing me for months, but until I experienced the 'big day' and had time to think about it in a detached manner I didn't want to write this. Ultimately, I'm writing this post so that young people going through this will have some tips on how to handle it; me writing this post from a negative space wouldn't help me and it wouldn't help anyone else either.
So, last month one of my parents got remarried. It's something that you never envision yourself attending. I mean, I've always thought about my parents being at my wedding, but the idea of going to one of theirs was just something that I never dreamed of.
At first I had no idea how to react. In all my wildest imaginings, I never thought up a protocol of what I'd do if this happened. Which is strange because my little anxious mind thinks up a protocol for everything. I assume this event seemed so out of the sphere of reality that it never occurred to me. But, all of a sudden it was a reality and I had to face it. 
None of my closest friends have gone through this as an adult, and I felt so isolated when I was trying to come to turns with it. Everyone's advice was something I just wanted to bat away because they couldn't understand if they hadn't been through it. Luckily for me, I have a sister that I'm incredibly close to who knew exactly how I was feeling and who was there to talk things through with. 
This post is here for everyone who doesn't have someone going through a parent remarriage with them, and who has no idea how to handle it. Here are some things that I've found useful over the past few months, or have learnt to avoid. 
Discuss what exactly is happening with the parent who's getting remarried. This is a major one. I kept my feelings about the whole situation hidden for months and it finally wore me down until I felt downright miserable. Tell them how you're feeling: are you happy, or concerned about how your life might change because of it? Let them know how it's impacting you. Think about what you want from the day: do you want to be involved or in the background? Give them something to work with so that they can make the day better for everyone.
Bring a close friend, partner or family member with you on the big day. It's so nice to have part of your support network with you. It means that you won't be left alone to dwell on things that you may find upsetting, and you've got a shoulder to cry on, or someone to celebrate with if you need to.
Avoid surprises. Find out the colour scheme, plan of the day, etc, for the wedding. Things can go downhill so quickly if what you've emotionally prepared yourself for isn't actually what's going to be happening.
Wear something that makes you feel hella-confident. Whack out your favourite makeup, prettiest dress and even your lucky pants. That little extra pep in your step might be exactly what you need. 
Don't cause a scene. If you think drinking might make you a bit more feisty, then avoid it. If something's upsetting you about the day, speak to your parent privately. In the end, you don't want to remember the day as being one where you publicly spoke out against something you actually agree with now.
Take some family photos. It's a tough day, and you might be finding it a bit hard, but it's one of your parent's best days ever. Let them have that photo together, and every time you look at it it'll remind you that you put their needs first when it mattered and supported them. 
Remember that it's okay to get upset. Before the wedding, during the wedding or after. It's absolutely fine. It's a life-changing day for you in which your family structure is changing forever. Allow yourself to grieve for the way things used to be. 
I really hope this helps any of you going through this, and if you ever want more advice on the topic then feel free to drop me a DM on twitter!  Follow me on Bloglovin | Twitter | Instagram | Youtube | Facebook

10 Reasons Why Sisters Make the Best Friends

I'm going to try and not get too soppy in this post, but my sister is my favourite person in the entire world. This post was sorta meant to go up at the beginning of the month when she turned 21, but better late that never, right? Also, I'm totally not sorry for how picture-heavy this post is. I had the BEST time scrolling through all my old Facebook photos, and finding some of my favourites of us together. So, here's why sisters are the best kind of friend you can have (IMO).
1.) Life's an endless sleepover. We shared a room up until I left for uni, so there was always someone to talk to when you can't get to sleep. Hundreds of deep, late night chats happened in that room, and it was so comforting to know that I was never alone.
2.) They've got the same life experiences as you. This sounds obvious, but it means that they were there, experiencing all the bad stuff alongside you, and know how you felt at the time. You also share a whole tonne of memories right from when you were small.
3.) You always have to make up when you fall out as teens. Teenage years are hormone-filled and very stressful. You can fall out time and time again, but you live together, so you always have to get over it without just drifting apart.
4.) You have thousands of in-jokes. From embarrassing stories that happened over a decade ago, to impersonations of people you once knew, you always have something to chuckle at. Suddenly, one phrase off of a TV show from your childhood has you in fits and no one else can understand why.
5.) You also have a tonne of made-up words you share. All sisters have their own little language. Whether it's used to get around parents knowing what you're saying, or because one time you mis-pronounced something and it's stuck that way forever, it's something that only you share.
6.) No matter how much you argue, they'll always have your back. The whole 'I can say stuff about my sister, but you better not try it' is really true. I'm always going to pick her over you, so attempts to 'bond' by being nasty about her isn't going to happen.
7.) They know what makes you happy, and what makes you sad. My sister always knows exactly what I need when I feel sick, or when I'm feeling low, and she knows how far she can push it with the tough love. This kinda balance takes years to nurture, and it means that there's no one as comforting as your sis.
8.) You have someone to share the pain of 'firsts' with. First period, first time going on the pill, first time moving out of home. One of you will have to do it first, but then you'll be able to help the other one through it. And nothing's TMI when you've spent every day forever together.
9.) You're irreplaceable to one another. You can go through phases with friends, swapping them out for new ones and saying goodbye to the old. Sisters are forever. You share the same genetics and the same life, and you'll always have a sister, no matter how distant you get.
10.) You can be completely yourself with them. They know all about your quirks, funny habits and embarrassing stories from the past. You can be 100% your true self around them, without worrying about the way you look or act or speak or laugh or anything. They've seen the worst and they still love you.
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10 Ways to Give Back this Christmas

One of my favourite things about Christmas is how much more inspired people are to be kinder to those around them. It may not seem like that as you see a mother elbowing someone else's child out of the way to get the last toy left in The Entertainer, but it is true. The turn in the weather, and the fact that Christmas forces us to spend quality time with other people, and think about what they would like most in the world all help in the lead up. I also think that more people thinking about their faith at this time of year helps to remind them to give to those less fortunate. So, if you're feeling inspired to help others this Christmas too, then here are ten things you can do:

1.) Spend some time talking to a local homeless person, and wrap them up a gift that you think they'd enjoy.

2.) Send money to support the citizens of Aleppo, or simply spread the word about the massacre that's occurring (something that the media seems to be overlooking)

3.) Make sure no relative or friend dines alone on Christmas Day. There's always room for one more around the table.

4.) Challenge yourself to buy people thoughtful gifts. And if you can't think of something, talk to them, and find out what they're loving or lusting after at the moment.

5.) Give a Christmas card to everyone you know: it could be their only one.

6.) Gift toys to a local children's hospital.

7.) Help out at a retirement centre, or get a group together to put on a show.

8.) Do something extra to make a child in your family's Christmas that bit more magical.

9.)  Surprise your other half with something on Christmas evening that lets them know how grateful you are to be spending the most wonderful day of the year with them.

10.) Make your New Years resolutions about what you can do for others, rather than yourself. 

What would you add to the list?

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What does Christmas mean to me?

'It's a time for giving, time for getting, time for forgiving and for forgetting' in the wise words of Cliff Richards (never did I ever think I would be saying that on my blog). But I really think the joy in Christmas comes in its individuality. Yes we all like mistletoe and wine a little bit extra at this time of year, but there are so many special things that make Christmas a little different every person that celebrates it.
The smell of tinsel and our old, yet still loved Christmas tree making its way down from the loft. That's Christmas for me. I could recognise its smell anywhere, and I'm sure I could do it in years to come. Then comes the tiny little chimes of bells, as my dad gets down his set of mini drummers playing carols, only to go back up into the loft straightaway - we don't want to wear down twenty years of one battery after all. 
Then comes the nativity set. The same one that we've had for as long as I can remember. The one that's migrating to my new home with my boyfriend this year. The one that is basically a miracle in that nothing is broken. The one that will be taking pride of place on the mantelpiece in our living room. This is the one thing now that really centres my home and my Christmas around where it all began.
However, Christmas still brings back joyful, faith-filled memories for me. I was raised as a Catholic, and attended a faith school until I was 18. Christmas means countless renditions of the Nativity scene, from when I was a 3 year old angel, right up to watching a girl perform a ballet version of the Christian tale during a school mass. Christmas means the lighting of the advent wreath, and with it a reminder of the coming of Jesus; the most wonderful time of year. Christmas means singing your favourite carols again, and trying to avoid the hymns that are too dreary. 
And then we have the big day itself. And the special day before the big day. Christmas eve is filled with wonderful smells. We head to Nan's to make homemade mince pies and sausage rolls, neither of which I like, but it's fun to cook. Then we open the tin of Quality Street and there is nothing that quite smells the same. The sound of crunching, scrunching wrappers as we dot Christmassy bowls of sweets around the house is something I will never not be excited by.
Christmas Eve means bringing the box of buffet treats for the evening of the big day downstairs, and getting to see what my mum has gradually been gathering up over the last few weeks. From Bisto to After Eights, everything we need is all there; a feast for slightly tired eyes. The best and only way to end this day is with a long soak in the bath, fresh PJs and fresh bed sheets, ready for the big man to make his visit.
Christmas Day is a family day. Waking up at 6am ... okay, waking up at 5am, and trying to resist waking everyone else up until six is a tradition I just can't kick. Nor is opening stockings on my mum's bed, despite the fact that she knows exactly what is in them. Then it's gift time; things are shared around. This year it's different: my dad will be visiting on Christmas Eve instead, and we'll have a new addition to the gathering in the form of my boyfriend. Usually we hit the day off with a trip to my Nan's for breakfast. 8 of us crammed around the table in her little flat have a great start to the day with an English breakfast and lots of crackers. More family arrive after we've eaten, more presents are shared and it's time to head home so dinner can be made. Dinner is another family affair, full of laughter, fizzy drinks and all the roast trimmings. Having an Irish background is definitely useful when you want a big gathering of people around your table.
The afternoon is quieter. 3 courses of food in and we're all a lot less talkative, and a lot less inclined to move. It's time to nap, or watch a film: everyone is loitering around the house, content, at ease. The night continues like this. More food, more family, more joy. Some games, some tears and a whole lot of happiness. 
That's what Christmas means to me.
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Missing my Granddad at Christmastime

It's amazing how time can trick you really. I can barely remember all that I did yesterday, and it feels a million miles away, but this date 5 years ago is seared into my memory forever, and feels just a moment away. On 7th December one of the most important people in my life was snatched away, and it was unexpected, but at the same time we knew it would happen. Five days before this, my Granddad had a stroke that rendered him unconscious, and he never woke up again. Six days before this I had seen him and he was perfectly fine. So we ended up in a conundrum: he was gone, and yet not gone. There were no goodbyes, or at least none that we shared together. The goodbye was one-sided, me and my sister talking to him whilst my nan held our hands and gave me one of his hankies to treasure. So you see, we knew it was going to happen, but for only a few days, that in reality felt like hopeful minutes. And today, five years, on, celebrating Christmas with my Granddad, or Grandy as he was to us, feels only a few seconds away. The memories are almost tangible, and Christmas has never been the same.
Every family has its heart, and at Christmastime this becomes even more obvious. My Grandy was the heart of our Christmas. Living with my nan only a few minutes' walk away from our home, we would be at their house by nine am every single Christmas. And he found ways to make it special every year. Going over to see the decorations during December was the best, especially as he put up a Santa clock that sung every hour on the hour, much to our delight and my nan's annoyance. Christmas day was even better: despite having very little money to spend he made sure that everyone had the best time and we all had our favourite things. Whether it was buying cherryade so I could have some with breakfast, or letting my sister pull some extra crackers because she had lost her one, he would make sure we all had a grin on our faces. I'll never forget the joy we felt at being his 'little elves' by handing out the presents to our family on Christmas day - at least 10 of us would be crammed into their little front room to do this.
Now however, Christmas has lost a little sparkle, a little magic, and has gotten a whole lot quieter. My Grandy was one of those people with a big booming laugh, which would fill the whole room and make everyone chuckle along too. Now my nan's house is far too quiet, and no one can quite fill the empty space he's left behind. The special touches are gone, and we all want to continue with the traditions he left us, but we just can't do it without him there.
This year will be different. This is the first year I won't be spending at home, surrounded by masses of family, the second year with my parents being separated, and the sixth year without Grandy. And I'm determined to make new traditions, in the spirit of his traditions. I won't ever really spend a Christmas without my Grandy. Indulging on too many sweets, pulling all the crackers you could ever want and falling asleep after Christmas dinner are all things that he's left me with, alongside many others. This will be the first year me and my boyfriend will be spending the day together, despite it being our fifth Christmas as a couple. And I am determined to bring Grandy's tradition and his spirit to the day, so that my boyfriend can experience what a Christmas with Grandy would have been like too. 
People often roll their eyes at me when I mention my excitement for Christmas in November, or despair at my delight in listening to endless Christmas songs. But, I do it with pride. It makes me feel a little bit closer to my Grandy, and I know he would love to see that Christmas makes me as happy as it made him.
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It's okay to say it's not okay

Expectations are a weird one, aren't they? We're all expected to be normal, to be healthy, to cope with anything, to be social, to be pretty, and a whole host of other things I can't even remember right now. But what if that's all made up? What if no one feels like they have all of these things? What if we're all striving to meet these #goals that don't exist in real life? That is what I think is the case. 
This is something that has been bugging me for a few months now, and I really wanted to sit and think about it all before I wrote this (you should probably prepare a cuppa - this is going to be a long one). I don't know if it's mostly a British thing, stemming from the ol' fascination with that stiff upper lip, but we seem to live in a climate in which it's frowned upon to say no, or to even admit that you're not comfortable with something. And I'm not even talking about an ancient idea of being frowned upon, i.e. you won't get invited to that next ball to meet the man of your dreams (I really need to stop reading 18th Century fiction), but a tangible one in which saying something 'is not okay' can have serious repercussions on your life.
This post is kind of a call for things to change. For an environment to be created in which you don't have to put up and shut up, or face the consequences. An environment in which your voice matters, and you have the power to truly decide what you want. I'm asking all of you, and I'll be trying to do it myself, to actually stand up for yourself, and tell people when something is simply not alright, rather than glossing over it.
You may be thinking already: you're being so vague Steph, what the fuck are you actually talking about? Well, I'm going to be splitting this into four categories: work, sex, relationships and mental health. 
Work
Work is something that I've always been terrified to say no to. I work in the customer service industry, so frequently get asked to come in to cover someone when they're sick. Now, even if I've already had plans to do something on my day off, or really need a rest from work I find it really hard to say no. And why? Because from a young age I've always been taught to make myself useful to employers. So the idea of saying no to me would involve the manager or supervisor on duty being upset with me, perhaps my shifts would drop, or perhaps even if they were looking to get rid of someone, all those times I hadn't come in would rack up against me.
The same goes for extending shifts, or being asked to perform extra duties without a pay rise. Ultimately it's not okay. You are under no obligation to come in on your days off, you are under no obligation to add to your already long list of work duties, and it's perfectly fine to say no. 
A similar thing goes for being asked to do something you're uncomfortable with. In a previous job that I worked in a bar I needed to tell an aggressive middle aged man that I wouldn't serve him anymore alcohol because he was far too drunk (it was 3pm, I have no idea what he was doing). I was absolutely petrified. I went to my manager, asked what I should do, and he told me to simply tell him I wouldn't serve him, and was I okay with that? It took all the guts I had to tell my manager that no, I wasn't, I felt unsafe and nervous because it was my first time turning someone down for drinking. This actually worked out beautifully: my manager offered to come and help me, and provide back up if it was needed. It really taught me that it was okay to say I wasn't okay with the task at hand, and now I let people know all the time, and ask them for help.
Sex
This is a bit of a big'un. And before I start I'm going to give you all a trigger warning for rape. We've got this very strange culture at the moment, in which speaking out about rape is shunned. And this is not okay. If you've not been following the Ched Evans story in the news recently, then you may have missed all of the online bullying that has occurred as a result of it. Ched Evans' defence team paid a woman's previous sexual partner/s a massive sum to come into court and testify to all of the sexual kinks she had. This was in order to overturn the ruling that came a few months ago that he was guilty of raping her. Partly due to these witnesses, the ruling has now been overturned.
As a result of all of this, the media has been awash with victim blaming recently. Hundreds, or even thousands of vile tweets have been sent out about the woman in question. And even more worrying is that those who have stood in defense of her have been attacked by twitter users supporting Evans. 
In this climate, in which we're bombarded with massive stories like this, is it any wonder that the majority of rape victims don't speak out? And in a world in which far too often the victim is asked whether she had been drinking, what clothes she had been wearing, and whether she was sexually active amongst other questions by police handling these investigations. This is something that is 100% not okay. And if you have ever been one of these individuals, mistreated by the justice system or the media, what they did to you was not okay, and there should be no shame in admitting that.
On a similar note, rape, or sexual assault is not always violent and not always committed by strangers. Even in a long term relationship, if someone forces themselves upon you after you have said no to sex that is still rape. And even if they apologise afterwards, or even just make excuses you are under no obligation whatsoever to make them feel better. Let them cry, let them plead with you, but don't ever be convinced into thinking that what happened is okay. Even if you tell family, friends, teachers, anyone and they pass it off as being fine, remember that it is not, and you have the right to feel upset and angry at what has happened. 
Relationships
I'm not just talking boyfriend/girlfriend shizz here, I'm talking everything. If a friend is being a bit of a dick, making jokes you're uncomfortable with or talking about you behind your back, then you have the right to tell them you're not happy. Hiding how you feel, and letting people use and abuse you (which I did with friends for far too long) will just end up with them getting away with worse and worse things, and with you just ending up miserable.
Family is another big one here. Yes, there are supposed to be bonds of love between you and all of your family, but what if they have been fractured or broken? What if they've hurt you in a way in which you could never bear to do to them? It's okay to be hurt, and you do not have to forgive them. Family is a bit of a weird one: unlike with friends, if you cut one of them out, it is likely to have an impact on your relationship with the rest of them. This is one I find very very hard to deal with. Saying that something is not okay is very hard to do to a family member, as they can easily become upset, and nobody really wants that. But, unless you tell them, whatever is on your mind is going to stay there, and what you're unhappy with is going to continue to happen. 
Mental Health
This is a massive one. There is such a stigma around mental health, and it actually makes things quite hard to talk about. If you tell your boss or friends or family that you're stuck in bed with the flu you'll get some sympathy and tips on what to do. But, if you tell them you're stuck in bed because your mental health state is terrible, you'll get a lot off disbelieving glances and the advice will probably come along the lines of 'suck it up and get out of bed'. They are both illnesses, and ones that can be very serious. And in both cases you should be able turn around and say 'I am not okay' and find a friendly ear. If there are no friendly ears then you need to switch out your listeners.
Saying that something is not okay to do with my mental health was a very hard thing for me to do, and I had to go on a massive learning curve in order to come to the place I am today. One example of how inconsiderate people are is something that still scars me to this very day. When I first started university, my self harming was very bad, and only a handful of people I trusted knew about it. 
One day I walked into the kitchen, having forgotten to cover myself up, and one of the international students seized me and held me up for the other eight or so students in the kitchen. He got up in my face asking 'what the fuck was this, and what the fuck had my boyfriend done to me?' I can't remember the rest of what was said, I just know that I backed into a corner, with a little rabbit in the headlights expression and didn't respond. Thankfully my friends came to the rescue, ripping him away from me and telling him how not okay that was. Yet, after it happened I was nice to him, I pretended everything was okay, and for over a year I considered it my fault for having gone into the room without covering up. it was only much later that I realised I should have said something: I should have made him realise how not okay it was, I should never have blamed myself for what happened. 
This is just one example of an incident in which my mental health was brought up, and I was judged for it, and I accepted it. So many people are doing the exact same thing right now, and I want all of you to know that you should not accept this. You have the right to stand up and make them realise they're the one with the problem for acting like an asshole, not you. Just like any other illness, mental health is a part of you, but it is not you, and it does not mean you should put up with shit from other people any more than anyone else does.

All in all, it is perfectly okay to say it's not okay in any situation. Let your voice be heard and fight for the right you have to respect yourself and your situation. 
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What I Got For My Birthday + VIDEO

In case you haven't managed to have a peek at my 25 things to do before I turn 25 post, I turned 22 on Saturday. I had such a wonderful day with my family and boyfriend, and managed to spread out the celebrations over three days (woooo!). I've got a little round-up of some things I was fortunate enough to receive on my 'big day' and I really wanted to share them with you all, so here we go! I love these kind of posts - it's a chance for me to be uber nosy and have a little peek into what other people enjoy. 

Here are some links to my birthday picks:

Paperchase Beautiful Slogan List Pad

I've already got cracking on using this one, and I'm really excited about keeping up to date with all of my freelance tasks in it!

Paperchase desk organiser

This is going to be sat on my desk permanently when I get properly set up in my new home (we're moving on saturday - *nervous emoji face*).

The Body Shop Mango Shower Gel

I love love love fruity scents in summer, so I'm pretty darn ready to get crackalacking on this.

The Body Shop Honeymania Shower Gel

This is one that I've been dying to pick up from The Body Shop for what feels like forever. It's sweet without being sickly and is really fab at making sure your skin doesn't get too dry.

Stitch Tsum Tsum

I've been really slow to catch up on the Tsum Tsum game, but this is my third now and I' hoping to have a Tsum Tsum space in our new flat.

Literary Paper Dolls

This was possibly my favourite present. I have SO many memories of me and my sister playing with paper dolls as children, and ones with a literary twist have basically made my life. 

Gryffindor top - Primark

I am absolutely in love with this top, and it's made me want to go and visit Harry Potter World even more than I already did!

I hope you enjoyed this post - what are you hoping to get for your next birthday?

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10 Things you can do to Help a Child with Cancer

  My sister Sophie is back with another guest post today all about things she would have found helpful whilst she was undergoing chemotherapy. In the past few years, she's spoke to several other childhood cancer survivors and done a lot of research into it, so we thought we'd share some really important ideas that could help make a child's chemotherapy journey a little less painful. I've chosen the above photos to show you a before (she's the slightly grumpy-looking one with the wild hair), during and after her chemotherapy, albeit with a few years in between. This is the second installment in a kind of mini series I've been doing on the blog - you can read Sophie's post on the mental impact of being a cancer survivor here.

-    Bring their favourite foods

Their tastes buds will probably change throughout treatment, but favourites will probably remain favourites. I would take a favourite food of each flavour type, e.g. sweet/savoury/fruity/sour, in the hope that they would crave one of them. Also, if you’re visiting during chemo; bring mints! Certain types of chemotherapy give you an strong metallic taste out of nowhere and it’s awful. Really bad. Soft mints are the best because you can spread them around your mouth in the hope of combatting it. Even the nurses carry around mints for times of desperation.

-    Hug them

As with all children, physical affection will help to calm them. A hug is the best thing to do when they are upset because it literally reduces stress levels (as oxytocin is released into our bodies, which reduces heart rate and cortisol in our blood) it’s science. The child is also around a lot of medical professionals who aren’t really allowed to give hugs etc, so they are really needed from family and friends. This will also hep to combat feelings of loneliness for you both.

-    Ask them how they’re really feeling and let them explain

This is really important for children, especially when all their medical decisions are made by their parents. They need to have control over some things, because they have none a lot of the time. By asking them how they feel about it and letting them explain why they feel this way, it not only allows them to become a more emotionally developed individual, but it lets you understand how to work through problems with their view in mind (which may understandably be very difficult to hear, but at least they know you’re on their side). It will also make you feel like more of a team when fighting this disease and make them feel less isolated, especially if you relate to how they’re feeling and work out how to improve their negative feelings. Note: ask them in a safe place where you know you can talk to someone straight after, as it will be difficult for you to hear from them.

-    LISTEN

I understand that this point is very similar to the last, but it is the most important thing to do. A child’s life has just been completely disrupted and so has yours. They have to listen to you tell them what treatment they need and how their life will change from now on. And thats a really impossibly difficult thing for you to do, and most children know this. They will be able to sense how devastated you are, and this might result in them not talking to you so that they don’t upset you; and this is very emotionally damaging long term. To avoid this distant relationship forming, it’s imperative that you listen to them. Try to really take it in what they’re saying and react well to it; its the most valuable knowledge you can get. This is also true for any siblings. You must just listen, without trying to force an opinion on them or complete their sentences, just sit and absorb.

-    Use charity websites for first-hand advice

The fact that this is something I can advise is amazing in itself to me. When I was diagnosed, there was little to no help out there that we could easily access. Now there is a wealth of information available, the most valuable I feel being personal stories and blogs. Online medical journals are something you should avoid at all costs, whereas personal stories of hope are a very positive resource that can really help you to feel less alone and can even open up communication lines between you and people going through the same ordeal/people who have come out the other side. Even though no two cancer journeys are the same, many elements are shared and you can always find general tips and tricks to deal with these things, especially with the same chemotherapy type. There are often support line numbers on these sites, which would be really useful in times of helplessness and emptiness.

-    Adapt family days out to include them/siblings

This is something that often gets pushed to the sidelines when times get really tough and chemotherapy affects your child’s abilities/immune system/appetite. However, special day activities are really important in keeping the family unit strong; especially because of the impact on the siblings, who often get far less attention and can become redundant members. This can be inexpensive, which is such an advantage due to the financial strain cancer treatment can cause, you just have to get creative with it. I’m sure there are plenty of websites and magazines about having fun family days on a budget, and these will be starting points that can be adapted to suit your child’s capabilities. Often childlike ideas are the best, such as building a duvet fort and watching Disney films in it. Although, it’s important to try and let any siblings have their own time with parents and their own time with their sick brother/sister, as they did before. Both this ‘alone time’ and having family days will help to maintain a level of ‘normality’ in the child’s life, which is so important considering everything that’s happening to them.

-    Celebrate small victories

When life is really hard, it’s important to realise how much you’ve had to fight your way through. I feel that the most positive way to do this is by celebrating a win. Whether that win is getting good blood work back or making it through a whole school day, it is important to recognise it. When the world hasn’t given you much to be thankful for, be thankful for how much work you’ve all put in to making these little things happen. It’s again important to do this for siblings/parents as well to recognise the fact that it is difficult for everyone right now, and achieving more than getting out of bed is a feat in itself. Celebrations can be so simple, like a family selfie or a ‘cheers’ at the beginning of dinner.

-    Keep a diary/sketchbook

This might seem a completely ridiculous thing to take up at such a time, but it really would help everyone in the immediate family (especially siblings). Writing down feelings is a really useful tool for processing your emotions, and getting them out of your head and on to paper is a proven form of therapy. This will help to stop bursts of rage in front of others, because you will be confronting your thoughts instead of ignoring them, which is psychologically damaging (especially in the long term) and causes emotions to emerge uncontrollably. A diary would also help you to keep a timeline of this time in your life, which might allow you to keep more structure and organise your time better- as you will be able to keep track of appointments etc. Alternatively, if you are not inclined to keep a diary, a sketchbook would be a good option. You don’t have to be an artist to do this at all, just doodling little comics of something funny that happened that day would be good as a mindfulness tool. This will also be really useful to see how your moods have been and whether there are any patterns you could try to ease, e.g. organising a coffee with a close friend the day before the child’s chemo bout because you know that you feel really depressed on this particular day.

-    Maintain self-care

It’s so easy to ignore your own needs when a child is facing chemotherapy, because you feel that they are much worse off and that you cannot feel bad for yourself because of what they’re going through. This attitude will only help for a very short space of time. You can’t ignore how hard this is for yourself, and getting help with this is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of- would you think another parent/friend of a child having chemotherapy would be ok? Getting help is the best thing you can do for you and your child/children. This can be talking to friends/family, going to the gym to burn off some steam, or talking to a councillor online/in person (although making another set of appointments may feel like too much hassle). I would encourage taking some time for yourself at the end of the day when you’ve put the child/children to bed to practice mindfulness, which comes in plenty of forms- you simply find one that you click with naturally. Meditation might seem pointless to you, but going for a jog might seem like something you could incorporate somewhere.

-    Learn to accept the post-cancer survivor

This will be the most difficult thing to do on this list. There’s a global misconception that after treatment your child will go back to their ‘old selves’, and believing in this will be very psychologically damaging for the whole family. It is a life-changing event, and it’s awful; but you can’t pretend it hasn’t happened. You will have a lot of ‘what ifs’ and these will often turn into negative thought cycles, which is exactly what happens when you mourn someone. It took me a long time to realise that we were all in mourning of the ‘pre-cancer’ me. Everyone was, we just didn’t realise it; because of the pressure to be happy that I has survived. But a new version of me was born after cancer, how could it not? After all the treatment and emotional turmoil, everyone would change; you have to to cope. And it’s crucial to accept the new version of the child, because they will try to please you by pretending to be their old selves and eventually lose who they actually are. It’s important to remember that any child would change quite a bit during the actual duration of treatment, which for me was an entire year. So, you will have to mourn, but at least understanding this will allow you to eventually stop trying to get their/your ‘old/normal’ life back. This will be a lot better for you long term, and help you realise why you’re often feeling the opposite to how you think you should, e.g. devastated instead of appreciative.
Is there anything you would add? We really hope this was helpful! Here is a link if you wish to donate to the Bone Cancer Research Trust
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No More Loneliness | Raising Awareness with Sunrise

We all know how awful it can be to feel lonely, yet it must be so much worse to feel lonely and either less mobile, or more isolated than us young'uns would be. So, I teamed up with Sunrise Senior Living to create a meal to raise awareness for the often crippling loneliness that elderly people feel. I invited my dearest grandmother to come along so that I could make her a meal, courtesy of Sunrise and the recipes they sent me, and play some games with her.
I'm not going to lie, I was pretty nervous. My grandma is basically the master chef of our entire family and I wanted to make something to finally prove that I'm basically an adult and totally capable of cooking things for myself. So, I went with a goat's cheese and roasted cherry tomato salad (one of my own recipes which you can find here) for a starter, and Sunrise's beef bourgignon recipe. I have to say, I was pretty impressed with myself. Despite the bottom of my pan looking a little cinder-y, the main itself was delicious, and I've definitely saved the handy recipe card it came on for future use.
When Sunrise first contacted me, I was given a choice of potential games that they could send for us to play. After we'd eaten our meal together I got my whole household (well, the three of us plus Grandma) together, so that we could all play some card games. I am so glad to say that grandma absolutely loved this - though maybe that was the wine from the meal talking?! The entire day gave us a chance to spend some quality time together, as well as for her to learn some new card games and finally get out of the house. As we lost my grandfather earlier this year, it's become even more important that as a family we spend time together, so Sunrise provided me with a perfect opportunity to do exactly that.
Finally, I challenge you to do what I did: spend some time with a neighbour, friend or relative who is elderly: cook them a meal of something they wouldn't eat everyday and take the opportunity to listen to their woes and joys this Autumn.  

Goodbye Sis | Final Cocktail Night

A couple of weeks ago saw me nerve-wrackingly sending my little sister off to uni 5(!) hours away from where I live after she spent the summer staying in my student house with me. So, we decided to do something a little special for her send off and make our own cocktails. Not only was this fun to do, but we got to control exactly what went into them, so there were no nasty surprises. Although alcohol, as with everything, is best in moderation, it is still something which I choose to consume as part of my diet and overall aim to nourish myself inside and out.
So, here's what we made:
Classic woo woo (pictured bottom):  25ml vodka 25 peach schnapps Cranberry and orange juice in equal measure
Cloudy Apple Tang (pictured top): 25ml gin of choice 25ml elderflower cordial Cloudy apple juice
The second was a little different and absolutely gorgeous - elderflower is such an amazing flavour and I would definitely recommend giving this a go!

Back to Basics | Day Three

Yesterday wasn't exactly 'perfect' for my detox week I'm not going to lie. I wasn't able to post my blog piece because I took my sister out with my boyfriend and our future housemate to our favourite bar. Hence the slight breakdown in my detox yesterday. However, I avoided the temptation to mix my drinks, especially having ones with yeast in them as well as avoiding my usual post drinking takeaway stop out (*cries*). I've gotten to the point now where the thought of putting fast food into my body is actually repellent because I cannot know what has gone into it.

So, aside from yesterday evening, it was a pretty good day for the detox yesterday, and I'm really starting to feel the effects of it. I walked for a couple of hours with my sister charity shop clothes shopping on my tight student budget. When she picked up a massive faux fur coat for a tenner you knew it was going to be a great day.

Finally, I'm making sure that I don't take last night's excesses into today. I've started the day off with a spinach, blueberry and ginger tea. Hopefully this will help to start and balance my body out again.

Love and Light

Steph